Five-Fold Today - The Problem of Pain - Shutting Out God - Coming Of Age - Two men on Jesus Street - Clean up, church! - One Heart, One Mind, One Body In Me --My Church - Test the Spirit - How's Your Love Life? - Going Around In Circles

September 27, 2000

The Problem of Pain

By Hans Martens

I am the father of six children, two of which were delivered to us on June 18, 1994. We knew before their delivery that these two genetically identical twin girls were not so identical physically. Linnea was born normal and healthy. Alissa was born with severe abdominal defects. Her liver and abnormal bladder were outside her body requiring immediate surgery. She has no large intestine, only 10 inches of nonfunctioning small intestine, one kidney, and no urinary tract. We have been assured by the medical community that her condition is terminal. They do not expect her to live out the year. The twins are 8 months old at the time of this writing. Alissa has spent almost six of those months in the hospital and requires much care when at home.

The subject of this letter is not to discuss the merits of healing or my position regarding it, nor is it to solicit anyone's pity, but I feel compelled to share some of my feelings and thoughts in the midst of an intensely difficult time. Crisis for anyone is a time when we struggle to understand its purpose if there is a purpose. Pain is a little understood and a little talked about part of our Christian life. It is a path chosen by God that everyone must walk, portions of which we must walk alone. It's a place where many of you have been - a battleground for loyalty and allegiance - a battleground where there are mostly dead and wounded. It's a place where you're not really sure anymore who the enemy is.

Before all this happened, when "success" and "normalcy" were the rule (which seems so long ago now), everything seemed so clear and defined. My understanding of God and myself were neatly packaged and trimmed. Everything fit into my idea of how things should be. When you introduce pain into the equation the answers that were absolute are no longer. This is not a reflection on God, but on our understanding of Him. Our religion and superficial spirituality can not stand up under the intense heat of pain. The once clear battlefield of good against evil - the righteous against the ungodly, where Jesus is the victor with us at His side, becomes a place of confusion and intense pain. When the smoke clears, I am not at Jesus' side pursuing a defeated enemy, but instead I find myself lying on the ground mortally wounded. My glass sword and clay shield lay shattered beside me. As I look up to see what enemy pierced me through, I am filled with anguish and confusion to see the Lord of Hosts himself standing over me with tear-filled eyes and his Sword still in my heart. The dead and wounded scattered about are not the wicked, but the Righteous, stricken by the Sword that divides both soul and spirit!

You see, I am finding through all of this that there is not one battlefield, but two! We cannot enter into the second except we go by the first. The second is the conventional battle against the principalities and powers of darkness, the first we war with ourselves - the dark places of our hearts covered up by our religious good intention. In the second battle we may lose some, but WILL win in the end. The first we may win some, but MUST lose in the end. The fires of the first battle will forge for us a sword that can never be tarnished in the second, provided we do not forget that it once pierced our own soul.

Only those who have been taught by it, who have felt the searing heat of the Refiner's Fire can appreciate its intensity. The grief that I feel sometimes consumes me, yet not without hope. It's not just the grief of a father for his sick daughter, but the grief of a man who cannot control her destiny - who can not conjure up the faith for healing - who, in the heat of battle, finds he's not the spiritual giant he thought he was. My faith is not faith at all, it is wishful thinking - a glass sword. My righteousness is only a clay shield. Jesus' faith is true faith, his life is true life, his freedom is true freedom! All I can find in myself is fear, heartache and agonizing helplessness.

"He has walled me about so I cannot escape; he has put heavy chains on me; though I call and cry for help he shuts out my prayer, he has blocked my ways with hewn stones, he has made my path crooked."

"He is a bear lying in wait for me, a lion in hiding; he led me off my way and tore me to pieces; he has made me desolate." Lamentations 3:7-11

Oh, how it burns, this Refiner's Fire! It has exposed my nakedness by turning to ashes my cloak of righteousness that I so meticulously knit together. There is no way I could have known that cloak was filthy. I was so utterly taken with it because of the deceit and arrogance of my heart (Jer. 17:9) that I could not see its wretched condition. That coat has taken its rightful place in the ashes.

Peter couldn't help but believe that Jesus chose him to be a disciple out of all the rest because of his strengths, because he had something to offer Jesus. Everything seemed so clear and defined. The battle he sought to fight that night in the Garden of Gethsemane was not one he would win. Peter wept bitter tears when he was exposed. He said, "I will go with you to prison and to death!" Jesus replied, "Your robe of righteousness will be required of you this very night. By morning it will be ashes and you will know yourself as I know you." Peter's righteousness turned to denial and fear. His God went to the cross.

The line that I used to think was so clear between the believer and the unbeliever in John 3:19-21 isn't so clear any more. Maybe "the light" is just as much of a threat to me when it dispels MY darkness. Is that why I'm so afraid of pain because of what it might reveal in me? Wasn't I taught that defeat was a sign of spiritual weakness? Is there a place for suffering? Did God sovereignly arrange my present circumstances for his higher good? As surely as there is a God who wants to clothe me with his true righteousness!

"In faithfulness you afflicted." Psalm 119:75

"Although he causes grief, he will have compassion according to his steadfast love." Lamentations 3:32

Is what I am dying to now worth what I will receive?

"So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure." II Corinthians 4:16,17

There is a new fire burning in my soul that is small, but unmistakable. The grief remains, but out of the ashes of my old nature burns a new fire deep within me that brings with it a hope and strength that I have not known before. It has all the ear-marks of the Holy Spirit.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

"And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

"And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

submitted by Dave Turnidge through the AP List

Shutting Out God

Bryan Hupperts

Hi, SheepTrax!

One of the earliest things a young Christian learns is that sin separates people from God. Because of this, we need a Savior to take our sin away that we might again enjoy the presence and fellowship of God. Recently, the Lord enriched my understanding of this grace lesson in a startling way.

In one of those framing verses that lays a foundation for our entire life in Christ, we learn the truth of Isaiah 59:2. "But your iniquities have separated you from your God; And your sins have hidden His face from you, So that He will not hear." The next wonderful promise verse tied into this one is 1 John 1:9. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." When the unrighteousness is removed, we again have unrestricted access to the throne of God where we are invited to come boldly.

Recently, I ran into someone who had deliberately did my ministry some damage by spreading slanderous, misleading stories about my family. While we survived the tempest, the damage is done and we're left to cleanup the carnage unable to defend ourselves. When I saw this person again, and saw they were doing well as we were trying to stay afloat, something ugly in me began to churn again.

Love does not keep running accounts of wrongs suffered, and when you're getting snared into constantly remembering someone sin against you, you're no longer walking in love. You find yourself behind enemy lines; in enemy occupied territory where the tormenters can gleefully feast on your miserable flesh - until you repent and let the resentment go.

I spent a day or so stewing at what this individual did recounting to myself how adversely it affected my family and ministry. Later, when I tried to pray during my evening devotional time, God seemed non- existent. And after hours of fruitless Bible reading, jangled meditation, and vain attempts at prayer, I suddenly realized what had happened. I confessed my sin of unforgiveness to God over this situation even though I am still smarting under the whip from the heartache and turmoil this caused my family. I forgave and asked to be forgiven.

As I began to quietly worship God, the condemnation fell away and I was restored to the joy of the Lord. He quietly spoke this to my heart: "Your sins separate you from my presence. They also separate me from Your presence!" What an absolutely startling thing to perceive.

The Bible says that sin pays its wages in death. Death does not mean cessation of being, but separation. Death brings separation. When we willfully sin, we separate ourselves from the presence of God. That does not mean we are not in covenant with Him, but it does mean our relationship is stymied until we renounce and forsake that which offends Him. I suddenly saw sin from heaven's perspective.

God loves us and longs for relationship and fellowship with we His ever wayward Creation. It's like the veil in the temple that was rent into two pieces when Jesus was crucified. It signified that we now could access to the presence of God. What I had failed to understand was that this also now gives God unfettered access to us!

Sin separates man from God, but it also separated God from man. God took the initiative at Calvary to clear the way between Himself and His Creation so that we could again enjoy His presence and company. Because of the Cross, we can now respond and take the initiative to live in a state of continual repentance so that God can unfettered access to our sweet presence and fellowship! If death means separation, then Life mean re-union! And He who is the Life wants to dwell among us as our God.

Don't separate yourself from the presence of God by harboring willful sin in your life. Equally, don't deny the Lord access to your presence. He still stands at the door and knocks. He enjoys your company and delights to walk with you in the beauty of His holiness. As the sages used to say, Keep short accounts with God.

Bryan Hupperts © 2000
SheepTrax Ministries, Inc.

Coming Of Age

Sister Ching Co

All over the world, many of the children of God are crying out for more of the Lord. As we watch all that is taking place around us. There is a greater longing to see God do something.

Many of us has come to that realization that WE NEED GOD TO INTERVENE in our own family, around our neighborhood, in our city and in our nation.

It was at this point in time that I saw these visions and received these impressions. May the Holy Spirit breathe His life into these words.


I saw a series of pictures:
A pregnant woman positioned in the delivery table about to give birth.
A volcano and all around it there were rumbling sound signaling an eminent explosion.
A girl preparing for her grand Debut.
A wedding ceremony about to start with all the participants waiting at the door of the church.
A flower buds that is about to bloom.


As I was pondering what all these pictures signifies. I heard deep within my heart these words being impressed: "My church is coming of age. . . . . "

I began to understand that all these pictures has one interpretation. They all represent the church of God and something significant is about to take place. There is a great unveiling that is about to happened in our midst.

In the past, from generations to generations, the church of God has past through many stages. We have seen many important moves of God through each generation. And all these have enable us to understand more and more of the character and ways of God.

But the day is coming and the day has come for the matured church of God to be made manifest.


A great change is coming to the church of God. As the winds of the Holy Spirit blows upon us, the church represented by the people of God will invade the marketplace so that speak.

This meant that wherever God has planted and positioned His people, there will be a manifestation of His power. God is bringing His church to the places where His people are found. Your homes , your school, your office, your workplace will literally be filled with the power of the Most High as His Spirit descent and fill these places.

In the midst of these places, we will find people falling under the power of God, people under conviction crying out for mercy, people being healed , people being ministered. Revival will break out in these places not just for a day or a night or a season but this will become the norm. In these places while everyday activities are being carried out, we will also see people CONTINUALLY BEING MINISTERED.

God will be using every yielded vessel for His service in the coming days. The promise of Joel 2:28-29 will become a reality and not a dream.

"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out My Spirit in those days."

These places will become like the "tent of meeting" during Moses time. The Presence of God will dwelt there and people all around will recognize the Presence of God and will flock there. And the Spirit of God present in these places will minister to those that come even when nobody is touching them.


A new day is coming, a day like never before. A day of great rejoicing will break forth from your midst. For like the days of old, I am coming to you.

Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay (Habakkuk 2:3) As the coming of that day draw near, the storms raging all around you will become more intense. But take heart, for I have you covered under the shadow of my wings. These storms will not shake those who run to me for cover and those that have learned to dwell in the secret place of the Most High. Like a weaned child with it's mother, so will your souls be stilled and quieted before me. (Psalm 131:2)

Many of you have carried these visions within your hearts. You have nurtured it through the years. Like Mary you have treasured them in your hearts. And like Mary many of you have been pierced in your hearts as you give your all to allow these visions to grow.

To those of you who have not hold back anything from me, but like David have understood that for these visions to become a reality, it will cost you everything. Yet you have willingly follow these visions through. REJOICE FOR I AM COMING TO YOU AND WILL DWELT IN THE PLACE THAT YOU HAVE PREPARED FOR ME.

You tent will become like Mount Zion to me and these promises will become a reality in your midst.

" In the last days the mountain of the Lord's temple will be established as chief among the mountains; it will be raised above the hills, and all nations will stream to it. Many peoples will come and say, ' Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths.' The law will go out from Zion, the word of the Lord from Jerusalem." (Isaiah 2:2-3)

"In that day the Branch of the Lord will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of the survivors in Israel. Those who are left in Zion, who remain in Jerusalem, will be called holy, all who are recorded among the living in Jerusalem. The Lord will wash away the filth of the women of Zion; he will cleanse the bloodstains from Jerusalem by a spirit of judgment and a spirit of fire. Then the Lord will create over all of Mount Zion and over those who assembles there a cloud of smoke by day and a glow of flaming fire by night; over all the glory will be a canopy. It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain." (Isaiah 4:2-6)


Father, thank you for encouraging us today. As we wait for the coming age of your church. Continue to prepare us in all ways. Amen !

In His Service,

Sis. Ching Co
Cebu City

Two men on Jesus Street

Woodrow Lucas

There once were two men that lived on Jesus Street, and outside, a town of people needing the salvation of the Lord. And one of the men had been a selfish and rotten person and when he found the Lord he felt so much peace and love in his heart. He began to pray and as he prayed, he started to praise and to shout Hallelujah and all the town heard and people began to come to his house to praise and pray with him. And his name was known all around town.

There was another man on Jesus Street, who was somewhat quiet and always busy. Going in and out, in and out with a solemn and sour look on his face and every once so seldom a smile when he had visitors. And one day the man who was praising and full of joy felt sorrow in his heart for his somewhat solemn neighbor and left his house to pay him a visit and give him some advise.

And so he went to the solemn faced gentleman and said," Hello, praise the Lord" and the gentleman smiled and said, "Yes, hello". And the praising and praying gentleman said, "you know you always seem so solemn, you need to find Jesus and then you'll feel better." And the solemn man said, "I found Jesus and he gives me joy, but when I leave my house I become sorrowed by all the people that are suffering in my midst." And the praising and praying man said, "Yes, that's true, that's why you should serve the poor like me and teach them how to praise!" and the somewhat solemn man responded," Yes, it is good for us to praise." And the praying and praising man said, "If you think praise is important how come I never see you praising the Lord?" And the somewhat solemn man said," I do praise him, in the quiet thanksgiving of my spirit and the songs that I sing to the blind, and the sick, and the maimed as I comfort their sores." And the praying and praising man said, "What do you mean? I never see you with the blind or the sick or the maimed?" And the somewhat solemn man responded, "Yes, because you never leave this street and none of the blind can see you, nor the maimed walk to your house, nor the sick get free enough from their sickness for you to let them in your house." And the praying and praising man became indignant and said, "Yeah, well that may be true, but man you are so busy, you need to learn to just sit at the feet of Jesus like me." And the somewhat solemn man said," Yes, it is good to sit at the feet of Jesus. And I used to sit and sit waiting for a word from him for my life. And one day he came to my side and whispered softly into my heart, 'GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND DO SOME WORK!!'"

Here are some more things the Lord has laid on my heart about the church.

A Johnson

Some things needed to clean things up in these days:

  1. Deliverance minister/counselors to clean up the church and the leaders first if needed.
  2. People at the guardpost to see who comes in and who goes out in the spirit realm.
  3. I have often wondered why we now have no one writing or instructing the churches as Paul did in his letters. I think this has had a big impact in leading to the current apostasy in some churches. New Testament disciples wrote to churches warning them of errors and false doctrines pervading from within and people who were leading them down the wrong path. Now these doctrines of demons and deceiving spirits have entrenched themselves to the point where it will take much convincing and deliverance that can only be done by the power of the Holy Spirit. It has happened just like the leaven in the dough example given by Paul.
  4. Understanding and sympathetic encouragers are needed for new Christians or lost ones becoming church members to help them not go to the left or the right but to keep their eyes on the Father! We all need that kind of encouragement!

He also gave me this rhema word while reading Isaiah 1:1-3 "Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, and a branch from his roots will bear fruit. And the Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of knowledge and fear of the Lord. He will delight in the fear of the Lord and HE WILL NOT JUDGE BY WHAT HIS EYES SEE, NOR MAKE A DECISION BY WHAT HIS EARS HEAR."

Verse three stood out to me as what has happened among the people to cause apostasy in the church. They used their senses to see and hear spiritual things and not their spiritual eyes and ears and this has allowed the enemy to come in and squeeze out the full gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ and all the things that His sacrifice did for us. Who has decided on a church based on senses and feelings? I certainly have done this! The Lord of hosts is calling us to raise the standard against the enemy! We are now to judge by our spirit and not our senses. Jesus listened to the Father and His spirits rested upon Him and He used to Word of God for us now is the Bible. The Lord has quickened my spirit on this matter lately. Are we using our spiritual eyes to see and ears to hear? The word says the enemy was the angel of light in heaven - Lucifer- meaning light and he can disguise himself as such, so beware of that wolf in sheep's clothing! Many churches have beautiful music, funny, smooth and appealing leaders and people with lavish buildings and self-help programs, which are all fine; but we better be looking beyond these things saints and discerning the spirits and what spirits are present. What a great day it must have been for satan when he convinced the churches that the full gospel, the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the spirit were only for the early church! Now many have on their spiritual blinders and deafness and cannot see the spirits at work in the spirit realm. Tell me- without the Holy Spirit, how can we have eyes to see and ears to hear or victory over the enemy? We can also, as Jesus have the 7 spirits of God rest upon us so that we may tap into a portion of the Father's wisdom and hear what the spirit has to say. Isn't that amazing? Let us pray today that the Father will rest his spirits upon us so that we may fight the apostasy and be the holy and blameless bride of Christ that He is calling us to be!


One Heart, One Mind, One Body In Me --My Church


To Seek My Heart
Is To Seek My Desires To Know My Heart
Is To Know My Way's To Know My Heart
Is To know My Love
For All Mankind

My Children, won't you see? The only way to walk in unity with each other, is to first seek My heart. Become one in heart with Me. When you become one in My heart, you will then know and walk out My desire's for all mankind. You will never see complete victory for My harvest time, until My whole body has been made as one.

Many of you are running around all over the place, trying to do My will. But you have been missing the bigger picture. My Church is suppose to go out and function as one body. It was never meant to be several different bodies, each functioning separately and never being able to agree on anything. That attitude has only caused many to be hurt and bitter. It has caused strife and division among many of My cherished children. Do you really think this is My will for a hungry world to see My church, in such division ? No, this is not My will.

Don't you know? The way they will see My Love for them, is seeing you share your love for me with each other and moving forth as one body In Me. Then when you reach out to them in My Love, they will see I Am...Love. My children, have you forgotten? You go out as one body in Me, in My Power to preach the Good News, heal the sick and to set the captives free. I don't mind that you give your building's different names but remember My children, I have only One Body. This is the only way the Harvest can all be gathered.

Now go into your individual prayer closet's and seek to know My Heart. Then come out of your closet and face each other with a true embrace of My Love. This is My Spoken Will for My Church. If first you become one in heart with Me, then you will truly be able to be one in heart with each other. Then you will truly be My body, as I have spoken. Nothing will be able to overcome My Body. No weapon formed by the enemy against you shall prosper. My Church will accomplish all that I have spoken. Everywhere your feet trod upon, will truly be Holy Ground...for I Am there. You will reap that which has already been sown, in record time.

My Beloved, heed this word I have spoken. Come into your closet's and seek to become one with My Heart. Then you will see true change in record time, that I have spoken.

Come My Children-Come Unto Me
I Yearn For True Communion With You
Now Come My Children And Experience my Heart

The Time Is Now.....Will YOU TRUST ME?

My Children, can you not trust me, even now, after all this time ? Do you still not trust My Heart for you ? Come to me and let me do this work in you, so that you can be filled with more of me, only then will the greater anointing come on you and you will then see the greater works I spoke of be done through you. But My child, it can only flow through clean vessels. Only this one thing I require of you. Be obedient, let it come up and show it's ugly self...repent of holding on to it and be willing to let me cut it away....TRUST MY HEART OF LOVE FOR YOU. I paid the price for you and I won the battle for you! Now is the time to give it all to me. I have your Spirit, now give me your body and soul as well. Now is the time to let me clean it up for you. Most are truly willing but I wait for your obedience, to come with the bad and the ugly parts and let me remove them from you also. Then I will truly remove all the dross that has held you back, from experiencing ALL the FREEDOM that I paid for. To have My Bride With Me now and for eternity. For this freedom is what belongs to all my Children to walk in...In all it's fullness!...In Me. I will truly clothe you in my Glory and you will truly be anointed to go forth in My Love and everyone I bring before you will truly know, that this day... The Kingdom of God Is at hand, yes ! even at the door. Do not be ashamed or try to hide it any longer. Bring it before me and let Me deal with it. My Children....Trust Me...I truly do love you...unconditionally won't turn away from you or abandon you, as many of you have experienced from others throughout your lifetime.

Trust Me, I Love You now and throughout all eternity. Come, give me your hand as well as your heart and walk with Me. Sit with Me and share your thoughts with me. Die to self and love Me as I Love You. Is that possible, you ask ? Yes My Child, it is possible. Are you willing to die to yourself and let ME fill you with MYSELF and Love through you ? If so, yes you can love as you are loved.

Received from The Holy Spirit
Sharolyn Baldwin

by Sharon Hine

Children, I love you, I am your front and rear guard, your song in the night and your bright morning star. My Spirit will guide you into all truth, not a greater revelation surplus to scripture, but the truth as revealed by My Word.

Test the spirit child, test the spirit. Even that which seems plausible, even that which seems right, submit it to My Word. Does it contradict My Word of Love? Does it oppose My Word of Grace? Does it rob you of freedom or joy? Does it fill you with peace? Does it leave you in hope? Does it ignite a passion for Me?

For I would not give you any word that would bring division. I would not be in words of condemnation and control. I AM the author of life, not the prince of death! So I say to you again child, test the spirit, for the enemy of your soul draws near to deceive, be on your guard. At this time, you will be called upon to stand up against false prophecy and instruct in My love - for I am calling you to work in the opposite spirit.

The old is being made new as I pour out my Holy Spirit upon the earth, but I will start with My House. The cleansing has started, the time has come and I say I will sort the wheat from the chaff. Look to Me at this time don't look at the water beneath your feet but trust My love.

This is a walk of faith and will continue to be a walk of faith as I move in your life in a deeper way. Allow My Holy Spirit to touch those areas which have been untouched and allow Him to guide you. My Spirit is gentle, He is love and peace.

My Spirit will not be offended if you test Him on whether Jesus has come in the flesh, My Spirit will welcome your test. So test the spirit and walk in truth and humility. Test the spirit and oppose the enemy who would come to steal, kill and destroy.

How's Your Love Life?
Mark F. Owens

Lately I've been thinking a lot about sin.

Not that I have been contemplating sinning, but I have been pondering the nature of sin and the reality if sin in our lives and the life of the church.

You see, I continue to become more and more concerned for the church because the church continues to look more and more like the world. And the Apostle John wrote that "if anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him."

Now we all feel a bit uncomfortable with dogmatism today. In our postmodern, multicultural, politically correct world of diversity and acceptance, there is very little room for the black and white of Scripture. And as the church has embraced the world, we have chosen to see shades of grey where once the lines of demarcation were clearly evident. We have chosen to avoid the yes and no, right or wrong attitude of the Apostles and have opted for the more comfortable maybe sometimes attitude of the pagan world.

The only problem is, this casual attitude towards the Scripture can lead only to error, and error to sin.

(That's right, the "S" word....)

While I am convinced that good Christian people still abhor sin as a concept, I am not sure we really despise sin as a practiced reality. I believe we have become much too comfortable with the world and the things of the world. And this comfort has lead to contentment, and contentment to a callous attitude towards sin and those people who are lost in it!

If we really believed that the lost person next door was doomed to an eternity in Hell (...gasp! The 'H' word!) would that not change the way we view evangelism? Would anyone drive past a neighbor's burning house and casually assume that the fire department was on its way?

And yet, I find that Christendom appears to be more concerned with integrating the latest technologies and fad techniques into its "worship services" than it is with raising, equipping and sending workers into the harvest fields. We would rather bring the world into our churches than send our churches out into the world, and that troubles me.

The bottom line is, sin is sin. There is no grey area in the arena of a man's heart; either we love and serve the Lord, or we love the world and serve ourselves. Jesus said that it is impossible to serve God and the world. Paul said that we are either slaves to sin or slaves to righteousness. John says that if we love the world and all it has to offer, then we really don't love God regardless of what we say on Sunday morning.

So, how is your love life today?

Going Around In Circles


A few months ago, the Lord showed me myself as I was walking along a path. This path seemed to go through forests. Along this path, I was meeting people. Some of these people had faces, and others had no facial features that I could discern. I'm not sure why, but I felt the "faceless" people were those whom I have met on-line.

I was stopping and talking with many of these people. As I made to walk on, each person would press into my hand what appeared to be a small gold nugget. I would accept it, thank them, and walk on.

Soon, both my hands were filled with these small golden nuggets. I was perplexed about what these nuggets symbolized, and looked more closely at them. I was even more bewildered to see what appeared to be tiny seeds within each golden nugget.

It wasn't until recently that I felt the Lord was telling me that each of these people I had met on my path, was a type of mentor to me. Each of these mentors had taught me a lesson (represented by the small golden nugget each of them pressed into my hand). Within each lesson each person had taught me, were small seeds. I feel these small seeds symbolize the words these people spoke to me.

As I went to leave one particular person who I had become very fond of and attached to, I looked further down the path where the Lord was leading me, and I was horrified and drew back in dismay from where the Lord was asking me to go. He was taking me right back to where I had begun my journey. He had taken me full circle, and it was something I resisted in the flesh.

As many of us have, I have experienced situations as a result of sometimes perhaps hearing from the Lord. There has been times of persecution, times of great loneliness and misunderstandings, etc. Some of these times, I am sure I brought upon myself. Yet, as these times became more intense, I began to look without the walls of my particular congregation.

At the beginning of this year (2000), I became the possessor of a computer, and literally stumbled across a web site for prophecy. I read it, found links at the bottom of the page, followed those links, etc., and found an on-line "school" which taught about the gifts of the Spirit. I joined this school, and began to share with the other "students" things the Lord seemed to share with me. In my naiveté, I was under the impression this school consisted of perhaps 50 people or so. I would share things of the Lord with them, they would share things of the Lord with me. My soul drank it in. I was so starved and hungry to be around people like myself, and discuss openly and freely the things the Lord perhaps revealed to me.

Little by little, certain things I shared with others at this school were shared with their friends, and reshared, etc. People began to contact me about sharing these visions, words, dreams, and / or messages with others. I had no idea that some of these people had prophetic web sites. Until the beginning of this year, I had never heard of such a thing. I always replied, to go ahead and share with others whatever they felt led of the Lord to share. I felt whatever the Lord may have shared with me, was not "mine." Since I was still in the on-line school, I thought that whatever I shared was being judged by the "teachers," and that whoever maybe read something I shared with them, would also judge it in their own spirits (whether their spirit confirmed or rejected whatever they were reading).

This year, as I have had the honor and privilege of meeting so very many wonderful people on-line, the wounds and the pain in my heart and in my mind, appeared to lessen to a certain degree. I was among people who made me feel welcomed and accepted, and who seemed to hear from the Lord the same as I did.

Then, when I had this particular vision where the Lord showed me the "end" of the path I had been journeying upon was to the same destination I had begun my journey from (the church I presently attend), all the old wounds came flooding back upon me once again. It was then that I realized, I had never really been healed in the first place.

A while after this vision, the Lord showed me myself in a jungle battle. Bullets, etc., were whizzing around my head. When I first saw myself in this war, I had no protection on. As the vision went on, I began to clothe myself with the protection as outlined in Eph. 6. There were times in this vision that I had hidden myself in fox holes and was just hunkered down, frightened and trembling, while the bullets whizzed over and around me. Then, the Lord would tell me to get back up and get back out into the battle.

Towards the end of this vision, I saw myself stumbling out of this jungle battle. I had something cupped in my hands. I was bloody, wounded, my clothing was ripped and torn. I stumbled up to the Lord and carefully handed over to Him what was in my hands. It was then, that I saw it was my heart.

My heart was wounded and bleeding. In some places, there were scabs over the wounds on my heart.

Gently, the Lord took my heart from my hands. Then, He gently began to pry and pick away the scabs from my heart. This caused fresh bleeding (of course), and new pain. I was shocked as I watched the Lord doing this to my heart. I was asking Him what He was doing to my heart, but I never once tried to removed my heart from His hands. I gave my heart to the Lord long ago, and it is His, and will always be His.

Finally, when the Lord had removed all the scabs from my heart, He reached up to His head. It was then that I saw the crown of thorns that was still upon His brow. He removed one of the thorns from this crown of thorns, and with it, He very gently, but very firmly, pushed it straight into and through my heart.

When He did this, it was as if I actually felt it. I felt like I had been pierced. The Lord left the thorn in my heart, and my heart continued to bleed.

I have pondered much on the vision of the path I was journeying upon, and also the vision of my heart being pierced by the Lord.

This morning, the Lord showed me a circle. I was walking around this circle. I had been on this circle without even knowing I was on a circle. The Lord showed me that the beginning of my journey from my congregation, was also the ending of my journey. He had taken me full circle.

"What does this mean?" I asked the Lord.

The Lord then showed me many people on their own circle. Some of these circles had deep groves in them, as if the person had been going around in circles for quite some time. Others were like me ~~ they were nearing the end of traveling upon their circle. Like I had just learned myself, they were also becoming aware of the fact that the ending of their journey was taking them right back to the beginning of their journey.

I asked the Lord to open up my understanding of this vision, and of the ones He had shown to me of the path through the forest and of the jungle battle ending in my heart being pierced.

"As you have been," the Lord spoke to me, "many of My children have been hurt and wounded within their own congregations. As you did, they began to look without the walls of their congregations to find comfort and encouragement elsewhere. I allowed this. It wasn't always My perfect will for each person, but I allowed it for many of My children.

"As My wounded children walked along, I brought others into their life to teach, strengthen, and encourage and comfort them. Some stayed still on this path, others walked on when they felt My Spirit telling them to do so.

"The more My children walked on this path, the wounds on their heart seemed to fade. Some were truly healed of the wounds inflicted upon them by their own brothers and sisters. Others were not fully healed, yet experienced a degree of healing. Still others, forced the memory of the wounds far from them, trying to ignore or deny the wounds. They proclaimed themselves healed, when actually they were simply in denial.

"Every time there was a spiritual battle, though, many of these wounded ones had no protection. When I led many from the scene of the battle, and they brought Me their heart as you did, it was a heart that was still wounded, yet callused and hardened in many places.

"In order to still be able to touch and use these wounded ones, I had to turn their hardened, callused heart back into a heart that was tender and touchable once again. Some resisted this, and became further hardened. They felt they were protecting themselves from further hurt and pain. They were also closing themselves off from My touch and My Spirit.

"Those who allowed Me to removed the scabs and callouses from their hearts, were once again presented with the memories of past wounds. They had a heart that was not only wounded, but was also offended. After removing the scabs and calluses from their heart, to remove the offendedness they carried within them, I pierced them. This piercing was and is to remove the spirit of anger and offendedness that so many of My wounded children struggle with.

"Those who have now had their heart touched and pierced by My hand, are facing a new challenge from Me. I am asking many of those who have been wounded in their congregations, to return or to stay where they are at.

"In the days which are coming, My judgment is about to fall. Before I judge, I convict, and I forgive and restore where there is repentance. I am holding off judgment for mercy to first be allowed to come.

"I desire to use those who have been hurt, and have then been healed by My hand, to stand in the gap for the same people who inflicted wounds upon them. Many of the ones I am asking to return to where they were wounded, or to remain where they continue to be wounded, will not have freedom to speak of what I have spoken to their spirits. They will not be a public voice speaking forth My words to the congregation. Those in their midst will largely be unaware of their purpose for being there. They will be the silent intercessors.

"I am asking a hard thing of many of these wounded ones. They will be misunderstood, ignored, passed over, over looked, mocked and ridiculed. They will know suffering and grief, and experience terrible times of loneliness and sorrow. They will feel there is no comforter for them.

"Yet I will be their comforter. I will be with them in their secret times of prayer with Me. I ask a hard thing of them. Yet, the rewards are truly great ~~ SOULS.

"Those who resist, and back away from what I am speaking to them, will once again continue on the path of their circle. And, once again, there will come a time in their journey, when they will once again come full circle. Those who continue to go around and around on this circle, are those who had the deep groves you saw in their circles.

"I will not force this on any who do not knowingly accept what I ask them to do. All may either go full circle, or continue to go around in circles. Each one must decide for themselves."


As one who has been wounded, and has now come full circle myself, I earnestly covet and desire the prayers of those intercessors who know in their spirits exactly what the Spirit is saying to us. This is hard for me myself, as it will be hard for those who accept this difficult call. Perhaps those of us who answer this call to go full circle instead of continuing to go around in circles, may become a source of encouragement for one another through prayer.

Please pray for me.

In Him,
~~ Hollie L. Moody

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